


Embarrassing Myself and Throwing Away My Career

by Interstellar_Gothic



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: FTM Ben, M/M, Oral Sex, crackship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 09:45:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3483608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Interstellar_Gothic/pseuds/Interstellar_Gothic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben likes Jerry. And frankly, he doesn't care who knows he does, as long as no one knows he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Embarrassing Myself and Throwing Away My Career

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gothmulder on tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=gothmulder+on+tumblr).



> Set before and during S6, E6: Galentine’s Day.  
> I was talking to tumblr user gothmulder about why I totally think Ben and Jerry are fucking, and then I started watching this episode, and I couldn't help myself, I'm so sorry. If it's any consolation, I don't describe the fucking very graphically or really at all... Most dialogue is taken directly from the show.

 

Ben Wyatt scrolled through the replies to his craigslist ad. There weren’t very many, and most of them were from guys who either thought he was a girl or weren’t replying. His email dinged, and he scrolled up to click the new message that had popped up.  It read: “Hey. MWM, here. Must be discreet, so I can’t share pics. Just wanted to find a guy to have some fun with while my wife’s out of town. Let me know, and have a great day!” There wasn’t a picture attached, so Ben disregarded it at first, but after half an hour with no more replies, Ben started to consider it. His standards were pretty low on attractiveness for Craigslist hookups— in fact, he felt less guilty cheating on Leslie when he wasn’t attracted to the guy— so, did it really matter that this guy couldn’t send a photo? Ben started to type a response to the guy. He hesitated, hovering his mouse over the send button, then took a deep breath and clicked.  
As Ben followed the google maps directions to his hookup’s house, he realized how familiar the route was. He’d definitely been to this neighborhood before, but he couldn’t quite remember when, or for what. He shook it off and continued to drive.  
The GPS announced that he had arrived at his destination, and unease hit his stomach hard. This house felt eerily familiar— he must have been here before. He started to reconsider. What if this was someone he’d hooked up with before? Some of his hookups had been pretty bad, and he wasn’t exactly thrilled by the idea of reliving them. Still, he was pretty horny, and it would be such a waste of his time to drive out here just to drive back home. Steeling himself, he got out of the car and started to walk up to the door. This house just looked so familiar. He really wished he had gotten a picture of this hookup. He rang the bell, and immediately after doing so, it hit him. That christmas party last year. This was Jerry’s house.  
“Fuck,” he spat out in a half-whisper.  
Before he had time to turn around and leave, the door opened, and there stood Jerry. He looked shocked for an instant, but then gave a clearly forced smile.  
“Oh, Ben, hey. What can I do ya for? I was just about to have some friends over, but…”  
“Um. Actually…” Ben paused, clenching his fists in his jacket pockets. Did he really want to go through with this? Come on, this was Jerry. No, of course he didn’t. But he couldn’t really think of any other excuse for why he would be here. Also, Ben didn’t like to cancel on his hookups without telling them; it was bad form. Ok, fuck it. “…actually, I think I might be your ‘friend.’” Ben did air quotations as he said this, and immediately regretted it. Jerry looked shocked and started to splutter.  
“Wh— I…? Oh, this is a joke, right? Ha ha, very funny. No, I was just going to have my friend, uh, John over to look at the—“  
“Jerry. It was my Craigslist ad.” Jerry’s face suddenly went very serious.  
“Oh. Ben, I’m so sorry, I didn’t… I mean, I love Gayle, and… and you love Leslie! And I didn’t know you were… or that you… look, this was a big mistake, maybe we should just, I don’t know…”  
“Oh. Yeah, right, you’re right. I should probably just go. I just didn’t want you to think your hookup had stood you up, so I just thought I would, you know, let you know. Tell you the situation.” Ben stopped himself before he came up with another synonym. “Anyways. I should probably just,” he gestured with his head and pointed his thumb towards his car. “So, yep. I’ll just…”  
“Wait. Do you, uh, wanna come in and have a cup of coffee? I’d hate for you to have driven all this way and just have to go back home. I promise I won’t, heh, try anything.” Ben raised his hand and started to politely decline, but then thought about it for a moment.  
“Well… yeah, sure, why not?”  
Ben sat awkwardly on Jerry’s couch, hunched over a coffee mug he was holding with both hands, and still wearing both his jacket and his shoes.  
“So, Ben, how are… how are things?” Jerry asked, smiling reassuringly. Ben shrugged noncommittally.  
“Oh, they’re good. Yeah, yep. Good.” He took a loud slurp of his coffee.  
“Listen—“  
“So—“ They both started at the same time.  
“Oh, no, you go on ahead,” said Jerry.  
“Um, well. Listen, this is nice and all, but—“  
“Oh, if you have to go…” Ben shook his head.  
“No, no, I was just gonna say,” He rubbed his thumb over the handle of the mug to calm himself. “If you still wanted to… I mean. I’m here anyways, so if you wanted to, you know, what we talked about over email…” Ben grimaced through the words. He had an easy out, he could’ve just gone home, jerked off, went to bed… But he couldn’t help himself. The whole point of these Craigslist hookups were to work out his self-loathing, and what could make him loathe himself more than fucking Jerry?  
Jerry looked shocked for a long moment, and seemed like he was about to say no, but then he said.  
“Ok.” There was another long silence after he spoke.  
“That’s it?” Ben asked. “Ok?”  
“Well, yeah,” Jerry said sheepishly. “Why not?” Ben set his coffee cup on the table and stood.  
“Yeah, ok. Yeah. Why not? Do you wanna… you know, I don’t know, go to your room?”  
“Oh sure, sure,” Jerry said, and tried to take another sip of coffee, but ended up spilling it down the front of his shirt. “Oh! Darn it, I’m sorry…”  
“No, you’re ok, it’s ok. Do you have any, uh, napkins, or…?”  
“Ah, yeah, I’ll just grab them…” Jerry said, standing up from his chair. As he tried to walk past it, he tripped and fell on his ass. “Darn it!” he shot an embarrassed, apologetic look up at Ben, who cut him off before he could say anything.  
“Hey, it’s ok man.” Ben knelt on the ground in front of him, and started unbuttoning Jerry’s shirt. Jerry looked even more embarrassed then, his face turning beet red. Ben folded the shirt over his arm and stood. He held out his other hand to Jerry and helped him stand up. When Jerry stood, he and Ben were almost pressed together, and Ben couldn’t help but notice that he actually smelled kind of nice. Weird. “Do you wanna, um…?”  
“Yeah. Yeah, follow me.” Ben and Jerry walk up the stairs to Jerry’s bedroom, and Jerry holds the door open for Ben, who perches awkwardly on the edge of the bed. Jerry turns off the light and walks towards him. “Take off your jacket, make yourself at home,” he said, with an awkward little laugh. Ben did, and took off his shoes as well, while he was at it. They sat on the bed awkwardly next to each other for a long moment before Ben couldn’t take it anymore and straddled Jerry’s lap, closing his eyes tight before pressing their lips together.  
It actually wasn’t that bad. With his eyes closed, and imagining it was someone else, Ben actually enjoyed the kiss. He was starting to understand more why Gayle was with… Jerry. It was still weird, but it would have been weirder if Jerry had been a bad kisser. They kissed for a while longer, and Jerry rolled Ben onto his back and slid his way down to between Ben’s legs. He unbuttoned Ben’s pants, pulled his underwear down, then stopped and looked up at Ben.  
“Oh. So, you are FTM?” he asked. “I mean, it said you were in your ad, but— I don’t mean this offensively— you don’t really look transgender.” Ben started to feel sick to his stomach.  
“What’s a trans guy supposed to look like?” he asked, sounding more irritated than he meant to. Jerry shrugged and gave another awkward little laugh.  
“I guess that’s a good point. I’m just a bit surprised, is all…” Jerry trailed off, and Ben started to get the awful feeling that Jerry wasn’t going to fuck him and they were just going to continue having this godawful conversation. “Sorry. If you don’t want to anymore, that’s fine.”  
“Shut up and suck my dick,” Ben said, pushing Jerry’s head into his crotch. He squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to think about anything but Jerry. Although, he couldn’t resist noting, he was starting to see what Gayle saw in Jerry. He was pretty great with his mouth.

———

The next day, as Ben was trying to survive yet another conversation about Tom’s appearance, Ben saw Jerry pass by the office. Ben looked him up and down, considering for a moment, then called to him.  
“Hey, Larry,” Ben said, trying to stay casual. He had to make it look like nothing had happened. “Hey, you wanna come with us to tent world? Little road trip?”  
“Tent world?” Jerry replied, seeming too excited for what it was. “Yeah, let me grab my lunch.” He said in that same sheepish way as last night, just before they—  
“No! Why'd you invite Larry?” Tom said, definitely loudly enough for Jerry to hear.  
“He's been doing all the paperwork for this deal. He deserves to come,” Ben said, still trying to keep his chill. He wasn’t sure why he thought Jerry would make this car trip more bearable. In fact, it would probably be worse, if the lump in his throat now was any indication.  
“Remember you said that when Larry's farting up the car,” Tom said, grabbing his briefcase and walking past Ben, out of the office.  
“Larry isn’t that bad. He’s nice,” Ben told the cameraman. “And frankly, I don’t care who knows I said that, as long as no one knows I said that.” And nice was the right word. Jerry was probably the most respectful hookup Ben had ever had. Not to mention the obvious reason Gayle was married to him…

———

After the terrible failed deal with the tent salesman, Ben, Tom, and Jerry were at the gas station.  
“I'm gonna check if this gas station has some Bioré strips,” said Tom, walking into the store. Jerry started to wash the windows of the car.  
“Aw, thanks, Larry, that's nice of you,” Ben said.  
“Gayle always has me do the windshield,” Jerry replied. “She likes to stand behind me and watch. According to her, it's the best view.” Ben squinted his eyes, thinking about it. He decided he didn’t really agree, to be honest, but he could still feel his face flush.  
“How is Gayle?” he asked, trying to remind Jerry of what they had done the night before. Until just now, they hadn’t been alone together for long enough to discuss it since it happened.  
“Oh, wonderful,” Jerry replied, clearly oblivious.  
“And the girls?”  
“They're good,” he paused washing the window, and looked apologetic. Shit. He figured it out. “Why do you want to know?”  
“I'm genuinely interested?” Ben said defensively. Why was it so important to him to prove he wasn’t jealous of Gayle? Of course he wasn’t.  
“I'm sorry. I'm just not used to people from the office asking me things,” Jerry said, not meeting Ben’s eyes. It was clear that he meant more than what he was saying. “It's kind of scary. But in a good way, though.” His eyes rose to meet Ben’s, and they shared an awkward chuckle. Just then, Tom came back out of the store.  
“Aw, man, did I miss a Larry fart?” he asked, sounding disappointed.  
“Oh, no, uh, we were just—“ Ben started to stutter, but Jerry cut him off.  
“Yeah, Tom. Yeah, I-I really ripped one. Didn't I, Ben?” Ben paused for a beat before responding, shooting Jerry a confused look.  
“Yeah,” he said, then chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, it was loud.”  
“Smells like a hippopotamus took a dump on a skunk!” Tom said with a laugh, walking back to his car door. Ben gave Jerry a disapproving look.  
“It's in your best interest,” Jerry explained to Ben, waving his hand dismissively. Ben gave him a skeptical look, looked over at Tom, and then looked back at Jerry. He decided not to say anything.

———

“We're dead,” said Tom. “The only tent store this guy doesn't own is 300 miles away.”  
“Oh, hang on… Here’s a place that might work,” replied Ben. “It's called Sweaty Roger's Pants Tent.” He clicked the link, then immediately realized his mistake. “Oh, no, you can't rent tents there.” He slammed his laptop shut in disgust, jumping back with his hands pulled up to his chest. At that exact moment, they both heard a knock on the door.  
“Hey, guys,” said Jerry, walking in the door and holding a stack of folders. “Look, I was double-checking all the paperwork that Tom gave me in that super fun parking lot, and there was something about Harvey's corporate structure that just seemed fishy. So I dug around, and it turns out he has got a lot of code violations.” Ben walked towards him as he spoke, giving him a skeptical look. He quickly took the files from Jerry, and flipped through them with a furrowed brow.  
“Whoa,” he said, raising his eyebrows and looking up at Jerry. “Larry, this is great stuff.” He felt himself starting to smile, and raised his hand to cover his mouth. Jerry didn’t bother to try and hide the smile that took over his face.  
“Never thought I would say it,” said Tom. “But I'm a genius for making you stay outside and do a menial task.”  
“Couldn't agree more. You did it, Tom.” said Jerry. Ben looked up at Jerry and spread out one hand in a “what the fuck?” gesture. How could Jerry let Tom take credit for this? It was fucking unfair.

———  
“…And we might be able to pull it off under budget,” Tom said to the group around the table in their meeting. Jerry hustled through the door, apologizing as he came in.  
“Sorry, you guys, I'm sorry,” he said. “I'm trying to find my inhaler, 'cause I'm having a little…”  
“Take your time!” Tom said sarcastically. “I mean, it's not like we're trying to get work done here.”  
“Yeah, and Larry, by the way, you're looking in the wrong spot,” April added. “Your inhaler is hidden under the pile of pistachio shells on my desk, obviously.”  
“Okay, well, that's funny,” Jerry replied, trying to be amiable. “'cause I'm terribly allergic to pistachios.” Andy chuckled.  
“Classic,” he said. This was the last straw for Ben.  
“Okay, you know what? I need to say something,” he got up and stood on the table. “I like Larry. He is a good friend and a fine man with an inexplicably gorgeous wife-- I mean, to the point where it makes no sense at all.” In that moment, Ben realized just how hung up he was on the fact that Jerry had a hot wife. Was it really that he thought Jerry didn’t deserve her, or was it that he knew he wasn’t as hot as Gayle? He stopped himself. “Sorry. Getting off track. He is a nice person, and we should all stand up and say, ‘I…’” he paused, motioning for his coworkers to join in. “‘Like…’”  
“Ben! No! What are you doing?” Tom interrupted him.  
“Uh, he's embarrassing himself and throwing away his career,” Donna said, matter-of-factly.  
“Sweetheart, stop,” Leslie said. Ben paused for a beat.  
“O, captain, my captain,” he said dramatically. When was he ever going to get the chance to give a motivational speech while standing on a table again?  
“What is happening?” Ron asked, coming out of his office.  
“Larry is my friend.” Ben asserted.  
“Thank you, Ben,” Jerry said, sadly. “I mean that.” He then tripped over the trash can, and farted for a long time. A _long_ time. He turned around slowly.  
“Got so startled I tooted…” he explained, in a somber voice.  
“Come on, man,” Ben said, resolving to stop doing Craigslist hookups once and for all. Hell, for all he knows, everyone he’d ever anonymously hooked up with could have been the Larry of their own office. No amount of kindness or… fancy tongue-work could explain why in the hell someone like Gayle would marry this dude.


End file.
